Theresa May, negotiator par excellence

Let me try to get this right. One billion of your earth pounds (that's so many noughts, you'll need to buy new batteries for your Casio) buys you the support of a right wing party in Ulster... erm... whose support you would probably have had anyway, for free, without charge.

That's called a negotiated settlement. Arlene Foster and her Orange chums must be giggling all the way to the Ulster Bank, owned by the Royal Bank of - you've guessed it - Scotland. Owned, in turn, by us.

So now, I'm beginning to feel dizzy. But I tell you what - I'll just add one billion to the cost of an election that stupid woman didn't need to call that delivered a result that put her in a worse position than the one she was in before the election @ around £150,000,000.

Let's not even think about what Brexit is going to cost us.