If you’re unlucky enough to live right next door to a hornets’ nest and all your attempts to move it away (so you can build an extension to your house, for instance, dig a swimming pool or make a nice tennis court) have failed, here’s a piece of advice, grown out of experience rather than hearsay. Don’t go up to the nest with a big stick and try to knock the shit out of it.

Because they will get very, very angry. If you thought life was awkward before, you’ve seen nothing yet. It’s so much better to suffer the occasional sting: swarms of angry hornets are not a good idea and they’ll make your life hell. Learn to live with them: they make a lot of noise when they buzz around your living room and they are quite scary, but they’re only doing what hornets do very well – buzzing and being scary.

But they won’t hurt you unless you hurt them. After all, they were here first: you’re the intruder. 

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