Kevin Pietersen: clot-in-chief

I had thought that my candidate for Most Irritating Person To Keep Appearing In The News was Salman Rushdie; the poor man has a permanent look of disdain on his face, the mouth raised ever so slightly in a sneer and the eyes hooded like a cobra's; his face is not his fault, but it does sum him up.

Anyway, I now have to wonder if I haven't found another, even more deserving candidate: Kevin (sic) Pietersen, the incredibly good-looking, amazingly talented, world-famous, superstar celebrity leading brilliant cricketer. Oh, boy: I can think of so many new and amusing things to do with a cricket stump and a pair of bails.

That so much conceit should be concentrated in one man goes against nature, but there is one consolation: the more often Pietersen is out for a duck, the quicker I use up my monthly allowance of unlovely schadenfreude. And that's a bit more of a public service than a fatwa, which was - even I have to admit - a bit over the top.